This is My Blog,

So I can really write about whatever I want.  As I lay in bed NOT sleeping last night, I started making a mental list of things that bug me.  Evidently, lots of things bother me.  Here's just a small sampling:

Fake tans:  If you don't live near the equator, you shouldn't have a tan every day of the year.  Also, haven't we learned that excessive sun exposure causes skin cancer?  Spray tans are just tacky.

Fake nails:  Breeding ground for bacteria, and a colossal waste of money.  Americans, alone, spend hundreds of millions of dollars (do the research, you'll be shocked) on nail beautification. Just think of the good a tiny portion of those dollars could do.

Wheels that are worth more than the car they're attached to.

Those stick figure families on the back of cars.  Do we even care that you have two kids, three dogs, a cat, and a fish?  Nope.

Soybean, cottonseed, and canola oils.  In that order.  Oh yeah, and high fructose corn syrup too.

Littering.  People who throw their Bojangle's chicken boxes in my front yard really piss me off.

Overly flat ironed hair that resembles the pages of a book.  Just hanging there in a limp curtain.  Hair is supposed to look real.  Embrace your natural texture.

THAT haircut.  You know, the one that every middle age woman thinks looks stylish?  Thank you, Kate + 8, for giving us the ugliest haircut of the past 2 decades.  Seriously, even Kate grew that thing out quickly.  Bonus points for attempting Victoria Beckham's version.  It was ugly too.

Tight, thin t-shirts that make women look like a soft-serve ice cream cone.  Don't kid yourself, even layering them does not hide the rolls.  Just choose another shirt and move on.  You'll be glad you did.

Flip flops.  Useless, ridiculous "shoes" that make an annoying sound.  Hate them.  Hate them more if worn by a man.

Mildew that grows on vinyl siding.  Impossible to completely remove.

Men who tear the sleeves off of their shirts and call it summer attire.  Especially lovely when the shirt is stained and torn elsewhere.

Jorts.  Jean shorts on men.  Yuck.  Super yuck when worn with aforementioned flip flops.

Logo-emblazoned clothing.  I don't care where you bought your clothes.  Just snobby.

Obsessive dog people.

Lettuce that bolts before you can fully appreciate the harvest.

Cell phones.  And obnoxious ring tones.  And obsessive texting.  Another colossal waste of money.  Do we really need to always be in touch?  Do we really think we're so important that everyone wants to know what we're doing?

Reality TV.  Seriously, you don't actually believe it's real, do you?

Nasty magazine covers, right at eye level in the grocery store.  Yeah, I totally want my 13 year old son to see liberal use of the "v" word.  And my learning-to-read 8 year old who likes to sound out any word he sees?  Not so good.  "Mama, what does sex mean?"

Toddlers and Tiaras.  Disturbing.

Those infant car seats that people carry with them everywhere and attach to a stroller.  That is not a convenient mode of transport. Just carrying the flippin' baby and leave the behemoth accessory in the car.  Babies are made to be held by their parents not by a piece of plastic.

Velveeta.  What the hell is it?!

Buffering YouTube videos that take forever to load.

Too long hair on "older" woman.  Myself included.  Madeline told me my hair wasn't alright for someone my age.  She's right.  But I'm also too lazy to get a haircut.  I'm embracing the updo this summer.

And these are but a few of my pet peeves.  Lest you think I'm a negative person, I also made a mental list of the many blessings that we are so fortunate to be the recipient of.  Though rather awe-inspiring to think on, that list wasn't nearly as entertaining.