Just What Are We Creating?

Something I've noticed lately, both in the scope of social media as well as instances in real life, is the over zealous practice of commenting on a girl's looks.  Not just saying, "Oh, you look nice (or pretty, or cute, or whatever) today."  But really going over the top with compliments that focus only on perceived beauty.  Yes, yes, I know this is not a new phenomena.  But for some reason it's really aggravating me lately.

See, here's the thing:  focusing on a girl's looks is so shallow.  It's demeaning, really.  Are we suggesting that a young lady's only attribute is how she appears to others?  She has no value aside from her looks?  Yeah, really bugging me.

I have two daughters.  Both are blessed to be beautiful girls.  I believe I can make that statement with limited bias (except for Sarah's buck teeth, which she'll grow out of eventually).  But, more importantly, both were blessed with so many other, much more impressive attributes.  Sarah is athletic and brave.  I'd much rather someone comment on these characteristics than telling her she is "a pretty little girl."  And Madeline has a quiet spirit and is a gifted writer, so I'd be happier with someone complimenting her on those gifts rather than saying, "You are so pretty."

What I'm suggesting we do instead is not a new idea.  In fact, I'm sure every feminist since 1960 (and most likely before that) has ridden this bandwagon down the same road.  Sometimes, however, we forget what our intentions really are and we need a reminder to help us better express what we mean. I'm asking that rather than filling our girls (both young and old!) with flattering praise of their appearance, let's instead try to fill them with praise for their accomplishments and strengths.  Let's celebrate their individuality and encourage with genuine, well-considered words.

Can my idea change the world?  Nope.  I probably can't even change a single person's mind, and wouldn't even have the desire to do such a thing.  I am hoping, though, that someone might read this and remember next time to compliment on something beyond the shallowness of physical appearances and place value on something of greater importance.