Still Waiting.

I still wait up at night, thinking Bill will be pulling into the driveway sometime after 11:00.  I used to wait up for him and have a snack ready to share with him before I went to bed.  He would take a shower and watch TV for a while before he came to bed.  Sometimes he'd fall asleep on the sofa (he had terrible Restless Leg Syndrome that kept us both up) and stay there until early morning before he'd wander back into our room to complete his night's sleep.  I still look for his headlights reflecting off the garage.

I remembered something the other day.  It was a happy memory.  One that still feels real and palpable. I think it must have been April or May of 1994.  It was Bill's first year playing baseball at Western Oregon and he was playing in a weekend series at Eastern Oregon State in LaGrande.  It had been a bit of a rough winter for us--typical young adult relationship stuff, you know.  I'm pretty sure I was the main culprit, spending too much time exploring my options as a single girl who had lots of crazy ideas in her head.  That Bill was such a patient and understanding guy!  Anyway, back to LaGrande.  I had taken the weekend off of work and driven over east to watch the games.  Bill's dad had made the trip too.  I believe there was a piece of equipment or something that he needed to deliver in the area.  A logging carriage, I seem to remember, though those particulars don't really matter.  It was cold and one of the games was rained/snowed out so we came on back to the hotel where we were all staying.  It was the Super 8 on the north side of town, near the Walmart.  I remember a few of the boys (those darn baseball boys--they were always part of the trouble!) asking me to head out for the evening with them.  But Bill asked me to drive to the Haines Steakhouse with he and his Dad.  Looking back, I certainly made the better choice that night.  I don't remember much about our meal, though it was probably steak and it was probably good.  What I do remember is the ride back to LaGrande.  I remember the color of the sky and the way the mountains looked.  I remember lots and lots of cattle and cozy-looking old farmhouses dotting the landscape along the road.  I remember sitting between Bill and his Pop (that's what he called him) and feeling loved and safe and thinking that this was my future.  And being so happy and sure about it all.  I knew then that we would get married and that I loved him more than anything.  Not only did I love him and want to be with him but I also wanted to be a part of  his family too.  Marriage does not always ensure happiness within the extended family (though Bill was always sure my parents received the greatest gift in having him as their son-in-law!) but I felt that I was getting such a great package deal.  Yep, I remember holding Bill's hand in his dad's Ford pickup, somewhere near North Powder, and knowing that it was all good.  I know when I kissed him goodnight later on that evening that something had definitely shifted.  Bill asked me to marry him 3 months later.

Funny that such a simple event would be forever imprinted in my heart.  It's still so vivid in my mind.