I'm Beginning to Wonder.

I'm beginning to wonder if I am becoming mildly agoraphobic.  Leaving the house is almost painful to me.  I don't mind grocery shopping, though, so that's good.  Actually I don't mind Target either.  As long as it's not a weekend and there aren't too many people around.  So maybe I am both agoraphobic as well as anthropophobic, which is the fear of people.  It might also be scopophobia, which is the fear of being looked at.

Someone told me the other day that I should get rid of my van.  Probably not a bad idea considering both its age and its potential for racking up costly repair bills. I have a fear of change (metathesiophobia) so that probably isn't a good idea either.

Pantophobia is the fear of everything.  I definitely don't have that.  There are plenty of things I don't fear.  Like food or cats or dirt.  I am afraid of sheep though, which is called ovinaphobia.  I'm really quite fine as long as I stay close to home.  Get me out in public, though, then watch out!  I'm like a mouse looking for the closest escape route.

I just don't like to be out in the world among the masses right now.  I believe I'm entitled to that.

Sometimes I think people would feel better if I did have a complete meltdown.  A really ugly one with weeping, snot, and incoherent babbling.  Probably not going to happen though.  I am not drunk, medicated, or living in my pretend fantasy world.  I am simply struggling to keep my head above the proverbial water, doing the best I can to survive.  When you've walked in  my shoe on my path for a bit, you will only then be allowed to comment on my life.

Now, I will retreat back to my (safe; there are no people there watching me) kitchen, drink a lovely cup of tea, and organize something.  It's what I do to cope.