Oh, Yes, There Will Be a Job.

The other day someone made the incredibly insensitive statement to me that, "Now I would have to get a job and live like everyone else."

Let's talk about that for a moment, shall we?

First off, the life that Bill and I created was one of purposeful simplicity.  We didn't seek status or wealth.  We never shied away from hard work or complained about our limited resources and comforts.  We wanted to be with each other and our kids as much as possible.  Even if it meant going without many of the supposed "necessities" of modern life.  Except plumbing--I drew the line at outdoor toilets.

This was our dream.

We didn't expect other people to join us.  We didn't criticize anyone for choosing a different route from ours.   People often felt it was their responsibility, however, to mock our choices with surprisingly passionate anger.  How many times did someone refer to our life with the words, "Do they think they're pioneers?"  Not hardly.  Last time I checked we had not traversed the country in a covered wagon to claim our homestead from the government.  I regularly employ a washing machine to clean our clothes.  We are consumers of petroleum products.  We might even eat at McDonald's from time to time.

Maybe we should have just bought a new car or gone into atrocious amounts of debt to get people off our backs!  Surely that would be the answer.

The plan was:  Bill goes to work and I stay home to raise the kids.  That's all we wanted to do.  I had no aspirations for a career.  Ever.  All I wanted was to have children and raise them as close to home as possible.  They are our kids,  therefore our responsibility.  I won't argue about the "it takes a village" idea because there is truth in that statement for sure.  But we wanted to assume the majority of the upbringing of our kids.  We would chose the "village" that supported us in the endeavor rather than default to the norm.  That's the way we had always lived.  It was the way we planned on living until the end.

You know what they say about best laid plans........

So now I'm faced with the process of retooling these ideas, goals, and plans.  My first priority now is to honor Bill's wishes and that means continuing on the path that we had started down.  There are still 4 of our children at home and all 4 of them need me to be available (in different capacities) at all times.  Now more than ever, considering all they've had to experience in the past several months.  Their lives have been brutally upset enough and I will not add anymore upheaval to the already shaky foundation.  For anyone to expect me "to get a job and live like the rest of us"  is spiteful and ugly.  Maybe I should encourage them to "be like me and become a widow!"  Surely, using their logic, that evens the playing field.

Idiots.

So, let's talk about this job now.  Yes, I will have to get a job someday.  And then I'll have to work until I die probably because I have no one else to support me.  Whatever.  I committed myself completely to Bill and allowed him to support me for 20 years.  I have no regrets.  Was it a risk to live this way?  Probably.  But isn't it a risk to drive down the road?  Or even to get out of bed in the morning?   My future is unknown now, but really, wasn't it always unknown?  I do know that I didn't make any stupid or selfish decisions to get myself into this situation.  Of that I am certain.   In the mean time, I will do exactly what Bill would want me to do;  take care of our family.  If I have to eat beans and rice for years, I'll do it.  If I have to wear rags, I'll do that too.  If I have to limp around with a POS car, I'll do it.  If I never go on another vacation again, who the hell cares?  If I have to live in a tent, I'll do it.  As long as things go along as usual for our kids.  For as long as possible.

And so, spiteful wretch, there is the answer to your question.  I appreciate your vengeful interest in my family's overwhelming sorrow and misfortune.  And to borrow our dear friend Gilly's input on such a statement, "There is a special place in hell for someone who gets a thrill out of your grief."  Well said, my friend.  Well said.

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands.....
1 Thess. 4:11