And this is has been one of those days.
I don't know what sets them in motion. There probably isn't even a "Thing" that is the catalyst for these days. All I know is they are claustrophobic. And drowning. And stifling. All at the same time.
I look around and cannot figure out how to do the next thing. There are all these people who need me to be there for them and I just don't want to. How bad is that?! I'm a Mom and I don't want to feed my children? I want to block out the typical children noises that they bring into my house and sit in quiet instead. I don't want to be present. What I need is a break from the monotony that is my world. How did I find joy and contentment in this same monotony that was before?
It's all so confusing.
I forget. I cannot focus. There is no joy. No peace.
Just me. Alone. With a whole lot of responsibilities and decisions to make and no one to help me.
It's Christmas and there is no one to go shopping with me, so I just don't do it. There is no one to tell me that my fudge is delicious, so I don't cook. There is no one to tell me that my decorations look nice, so I don't decorate. There is no one to snuggle in bed with and look at the lights on the Christmas tree, so I just unplug them. No one. No one.
That must be my motto for the coming new year.
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