A Different Sort of Day.

The first Valentine's Day I ever spent with Bill was in 1988.  I was 16.  Bill brought a rose and a balloon (as was customary for a teenager in the 80's) to my house, I guess it was a love offering.  Later on, I found out he'd taken the same offering to another girl.  What a player, that Bill!

Next Valentine's Day, 1989, I was his girlfriend.  His only girlfriend.  I still have the love note that he wrote to me that Valentine's Day.  It's pretty sappy but also pretty sweet.  So, since then, there have been 25 more Valentine's Days.  26 including this year.  Each year was celebrated a little differently than the one before but each one was perfectly simple and Bill-like.  I know he loved me.  He never let me forget that.

2015.  This year is the most different yet.  There were no flowers.  No candy. No hand written note. No kisses even.  But it was still simple and still full of love.  I spent the day with my dear friends from Virginia.  We had a lovely lunch, walked on the beach in the beautiful sunshine, then finished the day with a late dinner with family.  Family and friends.   Whether distant or near.  It's what gets us through. To be able to spend time with people who love us and understand our floundering attempts at normalcy is the gift this year, I guess.  When those around us just act without waiting for an invitation, that is the gift.  Overlooking our silence, our sadness, our vagueness it also the gift.  Just letting us remember our Bill and smiling happily at his memory is the gift.

I am thankful to everyone for being so understanding and helpful.  I've not thanked people nearly enough but I feel so strange these days and I'm certain that my behavior seems out of character.  I'm trying to balance it all and feel that I might come across as indifferent or even rude.  Please know that this is not on purpose.  Here's how I can best describe it:  You know those plate spinners at the circus?  The ones that spin plates atop long poles?  Well, I feel like I've been spinning six of those plates for the past twenty years.  I had gotten pretty good at it, considering all the practice I'd had.  Now I feel like one of those plates crashed to the ground, upsetting the balance of the other five plates.  I've got to get those plates spinning again but someone just threw me three balls to juggle with too.  And I have to do it all while balancing on a tightrope.  See?  No wonder I'm having trouble!  Please be patient with me as I adjust.

Happy Valentine's Day to my favorite valentine ever.  You might not be next to me holding my hand, but you'll forever be holding my heart.