Ride My Seesaw.

Up and down and up and down.  That's how I'm living.  Anyone know that song?  Come on, surely there's a few Moody Blues fans out there.  I have vivid memories of being a little girl and my parents listening to a Moody Blues greatest hits album and just loving the music.  I think I'll dig out my album tomorrow and turn up the record player. Yeah,  I'm cool like that.

So I got a message from a friend today asking if I was intentionally avoiding people.  She went on to say (in a nice way) that sequestering myself from the world was not going to help my pain subside.  I truly appreciate the concern and, even more, I appreciate her willingness to risk upsetting me in order to find out where my behavior was originating from.  I like straight shooters.  You always know where you stand with people like that.  Anyway, to answer that question, no, I have not intentionally been avoiding people.  In fact, I love company and am so happy when someone drops by, invited or not, for a visit. Gosh, I might be an extrovert after all!  What I need is for people to remember that I'm doing this life thing solo right now.  There's only me and a passel of people who need me to take care of them.  Animal chores, housework, cooking, schooling.  That's where my time is spent and it takes all the time that I have.  (And now I also realize just how much Bill did for me.  Shame on me for not recognizing it more.  Learn from my mistakes, people.)  I'd love to be able to grab a few minutes for a phone call to catch up or a cup of coffee with a friend.  But these days, there's little time for that.  I'm not complaining or asking for sympathy.  I'm just stating the way it is.  I'm a rational gal and I know this chapter won't last forever so, for now, I just have to go with it.

If I haven't answered your email, responded to a phone call, or written you a thank you note, please be patient and understanding (which I know everyone is--people are so kind).  I'm conversing with you all in my thoughts, recognizing your generosity and kindness in my mind.  Please keep communicating and visiting us.  It's truly the bright spot in our days.  I'm not nearly the hostess that Bill was (Host.  He would be a host not a hostess.  Geez.), but I'll try to make you feel loved and special.  Just like he always did.