The part of the day that I am most fearful of is morning. That early moment, when the sun is just starting to light the sky, when I turn over in bed and gradually become aware of waking up. And then it hits me. Again.
Here's what I wrote this morning: The first few minutes when I wake up are like hell. I slowly become aware that my life is still as empty as it was yesterday. My heart hurts when I remember that there is nothing to look forward to. No one to share the day with. No hope at all it seems. But I will myself to get up anyway and the feeling goes away behind my other thoughts. But it's always there. Keeping its place in my mind. Reminding me of its original place by making my heart hurt at random times.
I suppose time will wear away some of the sharp edges of emotion. I'm sure I will find things to look forward to. And I'm pretty sure I will find hope again because I think that people are instinctively optimistic.
Until then, I have to take my own advice and just trust the process. Repeated a hundred times a day.
No comments:
Post a Comment